Stop participating in these degrading trends.


‘This is what 40,50, whatever age looks like’ is a TOXIC trend. You are inviting attacks on your relationship with time, or your personal values - neither of which should ever be open to public scrutiny. 


‘She looks older.’


‘She looks fake.’


‘Here’s that attention you ordered.’


Dear women, we are and have always been so much more than our face. By 40, we need to know this. Superficial beauty is fun, but largely fleeting for EVERYONE…


Superficial beauty serves 3 purposes: 


1. Sell products

2. Attract a reproductive mate

3. Personal enjoyment for you and your life partner


Only the 3rd is relevant to the vast majority of women over 45. If you are partnered with a healthy man who is in the same period of his life; he is NOT comparing you to your younger self nor other women. Healthy men over 40 value the entirety of you, beyond the signs of fertility that define youthful ‘beauty.’ If you are with a man who doesn’t give you this sense of security, DROP HIM YESTERDAY. The world is FULL of way too much beauty, adventure, and possibilities for you to feel lacking in the presence of someone you’ve committed to sharing that with. 


If you’re single, the same truth applies. Prospective partners of value are not on a primal hunt for fertility. They’re open to LOVE and connection. How you present yourself visually is icing on a rich, layered, textured, and wholly satisfying cake. Excepting the rare tycoon who has focused on his career and waited to start a biological family later in his life; no good man over 40 prioritizes physical appearance in potential mates. Older men who do this are emotionally unavailable, and often deeply troubled. Do not anchor your sense of self worth to your ability to turn them on. Be smarter. 


Stop participating in these degrading trends. And remember, our daughters, nieces, and students are watching.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Humanizing Abusers Is Important

Image
Humans are complex beings with complicated stories layered on top of the generations that precede us. The hero recorded in one version of history is the villain who wiped out kingdoms in another.  Serial killer Ted Bundy worked a crisis line in Seattle where he was exceptionally empathetic and patient to those he rescued from suicide. Charles Manson mentored several addicts and trauma survivors away from addiction and into recovery (at least initially). Whatever their motives, this is who they were to most people who knew them. Their positive impact on the world remains relevant. Denying as much creates truth resistance and even hostility in those who have a positive emotional bond to the person who co-exists alongside a dark passenger .  Abusers, even pedophiles, are often loved and valued to those not victimized by them. Revelations of abuse imply that the accused is less worthy of love and acceptance. Therein lies the rejection of painful truths in families and com...
Read more

Wisdom After 'The Wall' - Worthwhile Regrets

Image
If you don't make it to the end of this article, the ultimate takeaway is this: Who we are is never defined by how others see us. Women who are fortunate enough to understand this early in life, will never know what any wall, or rather - the loss of it, feels like. For women like me, unwanted changes in our appearance - whether age, weight, or circumstantial - can feel like a loss of power. If we dare to dig deeply into that loss, we may recognize that our beauty has always been a double agent, and a most insidious saboteur.     When I was 19 years old, I was introduced to the concept of 'Ashe.' I was a college freshman (soon to drop out), and I confided my frustrations and doubts in one of the very few friends I had at the time. She was Nigerian, and suggested that I was the cause of my own losing streak thanks to the 'gift of ashe.' As she explained it, our words have real power. Mine were provocatively dark and I was literally fumbling into curses with them. She...
Read more

No Rest For The Beautiful

Image
Imagine being a woman who is not only beautiful, but naturally trumps the norms for women in terms of height, body composition, and even your career. You're "chosen" by a "high-value" man who is a decade older than you. And you get to spend the rest of your life proving yourself to be worthy in the eyes of others, in hopes that it will prevent your husband's eyes from wandering. No emotional security, no peace. He can't be your protector when your heart feels unsafe with him. That's what I see when I look at this video. It's just a performative snippet of their lives and in no way condemns what their actual relationship might be. Still, this clip reminds me of the reality for many young beautiful women who get stuck in the impossible trap of being "chosen" just for being "pretty." It generally follows some prevailing misguidance on what a "high value" man is. Hint: His only value to YOU starts with how much he actual...
Read more