The Age of Influencers Is Making Us Forget How to Love
What the algorithm sells isn’t always what the heart needs. The internet has changed the world and most of us with it. While its benefits are numerous, I’m not sure they’re worth the toll they’ve taken on love. For the sake of transparency, I will share the reasons I have started this blog. The first reason is to help me become a better writer and overcome the block I’ve had on my own personal story - in progress. The second is catharsis. I have lived with PTSD since early childhood and the best way for me to process my feelings is through writing and music. My value only exists as a listener and lover of the latter, but anyone can write. The third, and most relevant to you, is that I want to help women find their true peace, happiness, and power. This is an endless expedition that I too am still on, but it’s true that together ‘we can go further.’
There are three types of women that I believe my blog can help, although I welcome all readers.
The first woman hides her pain beneath a veil of strength and independence. She is living her best life but she needs to show the world all the fabulous reasons she does not need a man. Furthermore she’s on a mission to publicly reject all the hypothetical men that would fall short of her ‘high standards.’ She does this through memes, chat screenshots, and generalized insults towards men. No thanks to the internet, she often finds her tribe among women struggling with her same hidden insecurities, cynicism, and sadness. Despite her theatrics, she has lost faith in herself and the universe’s intention to provide the love she deserves. Her tribe, albeit well intentioned, becomes a hive that traps women like her in a place they are meant to outgrow.
Like males in the manosphere, everything with these women becomes a basis for arguments. Every observation is made through a lens of anticipation for insult. A man compliments their independence and they take it to mean he has no intention of providing. To give an idea of their male counterparts, I was recently attacked by incels for praising one particular man’s loyalty to his wife. It’s both laughable and heartbreaking that neither men nor women in these groups understand that love requires an exchange of complimentary values - neither being exploitation and competition. There’s absolutely no way their mindset could ever welcome healthy love into their lives - which explains why many of them seem incredibly angry.
The second woman is a cheerleader to the most hateful of manospheres. Either she self-deprecates for crumbs of approval, or she reinforces misogynistic attacks on female vulnerabilities she has yet to encounter. She is either delusional or hasn’t lived enough to understand that all self-respecting women will eventually displease this particular brand of broken men. The first type of woman will call her out as a ‘Pickmesha,’ because she’s probably called the first woman ‘fat,’ ‘masculine,’ or insulted her age or status as a single-mother first. But catfights are the least of second woman’s problems. The second woman’s mental and emotional health is tolled for likes and engagement. She follows the lead of female influencers who cater to abusive men to build their following and grow their bank accounts.
One questionable instagram psychologist, endorsed by Andrew Tate, comes to mind. While she does indeed share a great deal of valid wisdom, it’s heavily polluted with dangerous beliefs about abuse recovery, and womanhood in general. Through her heavy makeup and filters; it’s clear that the most backward and perverse distortions of islamic ideologies regarding women is what she’s actually selling. Its appeal to unhealed western men is understandable, however misguided. Her female followers are more likely than the average woman to be found beaten within a few inches of their lives, roadside in Dubai. That’s how serious misguidance can be.
If the core emotion guiding you is a need for validation from men who are generally cruel and hateful toward women, it’s your divine red flag. Such a man’s approval does not make you prettier nor more valuable; it makes you vulnerable in the wrong ways. This is often the case with the second type of woman. Being the younger Gen Xer that I am; I was some version of this before social media was as powerful as it is today. I understand the second type of woman very well; I hope she trusts me when I tell her that her path leads to very dark places.
The third type of woman wears her broken heart on her redundant lineup of selfies, and public forum questions about how she should text a ‘high-value man.’ Eeek and ick. All cringe aside, the woman wants love and admits it - and that part is great. Unfortunately, she seems to doubt her own inherent worth and appeal to the man that is actually meant for her. Imagine feeling the need to pretend to be someone you’re not in hopes of trapping someone who would not want the real you? It’s a double shot of self-loathing; either she doesn’t believe she’s good enough as she is or she hates her own company too much to let things happen naturally. In steps a wonder woman coach, glamorized by money only the lonely will pay. Whether she’s married to an ordinary man (problematic only when placed on a pedestal), or ‘rotationally dating;’ she’s ‘helping’ women suppress their truths for the sake of catching men who don’t actually like them, or who simply enjoy mindgames. Yikes!
What the third type of woman needs to understand is that scaring the wrong man away brings her closer to the right man. Be yourself, authentically, and unapologetically. Your true love is seeking you just as much as you are seeking him. If you hide who you are, how will he find you? In the meantime, enjoy life for your sake - and not to impress ‘him.’
A truth that’s universal for all women is that nobody needs romantic love and companionship. It’s just that this particular type of love is among life’s greatest mediums for healing and pleasure. If loads of people forego it, what might that mean for the health of humanity’s collective soul?
Whew, that was long. Anyway - that’s it; the three types of women I hope to help through my blog. I will write as inspired and I may share some tools that have helped and continue to help me on my journey. Why do I want to help these types of women? Because I suspect that women only become this way after some sort of trauma. Because I relate to certain parts of every one of them. I’ve learned some big lessons the hard way, and they have greater value when shared. I’ll be 46 in November and, being the peaceful realist that I am, I am embracing the greatest beauty that grows with time - love. I want to give love to feel that beauty grow inside of me. Sharing what I know can help others, is how I intend to do it for now.
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