Haters Miss The Point - You ARE Meghan & Lauren
"She doesn't deserve it!" Yes she does, and so do you.
"She's a gold-digger!"
She has her own money, and so can you.
"She's broken up the family."
Grown men demand that their family respects their wife, as the men in your life should do for you.
"She's not natural!"
She's as natural as she wants to be, and her husband loves her as she is. The same is possible for you.
If Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex and Lauren Sanchez-Bezos trigger feelings in you such as resentment, disgust, and disapproval - you are not alone. You might be getting less than you deserve and desire from your life. You may have been conditioned to believe admitting it, is wrong - or even dangerous.
***This article ended up being longer than I intended. The short of it is that Lauren and Meghan have amazing lives and don’t care about your projections. I want this article to help YOU realize that your happy ending is still on the table. If you don’t want to read my long and intimate story, skip to the part that is about you.***
About Me
I was a few weeks shy of my 6th birthday when I saw the royal family on the cover of Time Magazine in the supermarket checkout aisle. It was November of 1985, and Princess Diana and her prince were visiting my less romanticized home country now known to many as 'Murica.
The reason I remember standing in that line is because I told my mother that I wanted to be a princess when I grew up. What she said to me, ironically, became one of the many malevolent ghosts that would haunt my subconscious for a long time. I remember that she touched my cheek and looked at me with her ever present twinkle of contempt for the woman she feared I’d one day become.
"Then you're going to have to be careful. If you want to marry a prince, you can't let a man touch you, hold your hand, or kiss you. Princesses have to be special."
I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember her exact words, but the part about kissing and touching was definitely said. The message was that princesses must be pure, unlike ordinary women. I was a child beauty pageant queen who had been identified as 'gifted' in Kindergarten. I noticed that my mom didn’t mention either of those merits as reasons to deem me worthy. I took it to mean that no virtues could redeem a lack of purity. I realized unfortunately late in life that she intended for those words to sting me hard one day, and her black magic worked; because they really did.
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When I first learned of Meghan Markle’s royal marriage, I recall being shocked to learn that a divorced, mixed-race black woman, raised by a single mother was marrying prince Harry. At 36, she was two years younger than me, and three years older than the prince. I wasn’t bothered with doubts of her being worthy - obviously she was and is - he proposed to her. I was bothered by the realization that my earliest steps in life had followed a trail of horrible misguidance.
About Them
Although my path has some extremes that don’t exist for most women, I think the sentiment is the same. Meghan Markle is beautiful - but not unobtainable. She is very well put together, but has an accessibly imperfect background (Dear racists: I’m not referring to ethnicity, but that her parents were divorced). She’s young - but over 35 and older than her prince. Furthermore, he is her second marriage - ‘she’s not pure’ - shudder.
Meghan Markle represents a woman who lives like she has known her worth from the beginning, set her standards, and focused on what matters. While some young girls were competing for who had the prettiest hair, little Meghan was writing letters for social change.
While many young women were clubbing, petty job-hopping, chasing shady men, and giving up on our dreams - Meghan earned a double major in subjects she was passionate about, worked in politics and social advocacy, and succeeded as an actress. While many of us believed our worth was exclusively bound to age, body measurements, and body counts - The Duchess of Sussex lived a life that was worthy of her. What followed was the partner that matched her flow; apples to apples - she’s factually more accomplished than the prince she married. Kudos to single mother Doria Ragland, who raised her daughter very well.
Meghan’s wise choices bear fruit that some of us can't stomach, because they expose just how bitter our own foolishness tastes.
This same truth applies to the anti-sisterhood directed toward Lauren Sanchez-Bezos. At 48 years old, the mother of three by three different men - married one of the most successful men in the world. It’s clear that Jeff adores her - therefore she is worthy of his love and commitment. That said, anyone who does some digging on her life will also see a pattern of a woman who has lived as though she knows her worth, in pursuit of a life that deserves her presence. She is an Emmy award winning anchor, who has advocated for education, and got her pilot’s license at 46. She isn’t living for validation from others, she’s living purposefully and it shows. That’s attractive to any emotionally available man - of the highest net worth (if that’s all someone wants to appraise men by).
I’m not sure who shared the viral quote first but it’s sadly true that “people will be mad at you for not suffering the way they expected you to.” Circling back to the (very hypocritical) purity fixation with women; misogyny toward single mothers has gone off the rails in recent years. Part of it seems to come from unhappily married and/or childless women needing to see their own choices validated through abject misery among single mothers. The other part seems to come from convicted and/or aspiring domestic violence offenders who use social blackmail as a means of maintaining a victim supply. Both of these groups are obsessed with hating Lauren Bezos, and any happy single mothers. (These are the men who go from cyber bullying single moms, to asking them on dates, to stalking them when they've been rejected. Beware).
About You & Your Happy Ending
Sister, trade your comparisons for inspiration. Trade your projected judgments for the forgiveness your inner child needs from you. She needs you to tell her that she is still worthy. None of us is perfect, that is the very basis for true love - a perfect match to our uniquely broken ridges. What makes the love stories of Meghan and Lauren enviable for many, is the authenticity and devotion bestowed on them by men who are elevated in the eyes of the world.
One of the most empowering exercises in A Course In Miracles, is to recognize that everything your eyes perceive is only as valuable as you believe it to be. The appraisal system that tells you you’re worth less after a certain age, is the same one that positions a rich or royal man over another. Superficial values are socially constructed, whereas earnest love, loyalty, and respect are not. That’s what well known men like Jeff Bezos, Prince Harry, and Keanu Reeves obviously understand. Life is about love, experiences, and purpose - not validation. If you don’t have your happy ending yet - follow all of the steps below that apply to you.
Recognize that only YOU can attribute value to everything you perceive. If you don’t give it value, it has no value for you.
Follow the path of your interests, talents, and purpose. Validation comes from within and requires work, because you cannot fool yourself with appearances.
Know that you are worthy of the best that any man has to give - regardless of his wealth or status. You are entitled to his best. If he doesn’t bring that to the table, leave.
Elevate the man who loves and respects you, he is your prince.
Prioritize your joy and happiness; if that requires disappointing people whose lives you don’t want - do it now.
It is never too late to be yourself. Make sure you know who that is.
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