Mirror Dearest

After giving my ‘ugliest’ face to the internet via a couple of TikToks, I’m taking a break from my book to share one of its most beautiful highlights - my dad. I guess the world would see him as my stepfather, the first of two to be exact. But for me, he is and had always been, the father who mattered most. He is my earliest reminder that even trauma has silver linings, because the pain that preceded him gifted me with an ability to vividly remember the first time we met. I was three years old. Before him, my biological father had left me with only one memory of what a father meant for me. That visual is my perspective from the dark back seat of his pick-up truck. As ET rode his bicycle across the large screen of the drive-in theater, I wished for Kent to turn around and look at me. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. I just remember that longing that was never satisfied. It was difficult for him to look at me, so he didn’t. He was a teenager, and he was white. He was a second generation A...

I didn’t pose for this picture. I didn’t makeup my face or adjust my angles. The wind did whatever it wanted with my hair, and I let it. Because that’s what freedom looks like. And it’s what love is supposed to feel like, too. Raw, authentic, and beautiful not for its appearance - but its experience. What the algorithm sells isn’t always what the heart needs. The internet has changed the world and most of us with it. While its benefits are numerous, I’m not sure they’re worth the toll they’ve taken on love .  For the sake of transparency, I will share the reasons I have started this blog. The first reason is to help me become a better writer and overcome the block I’ve had on my own personal story - in progress. The second is catharsis. I have lived with PTSD since early childhood and the best way for me to process my feelings is through writing and music. My value only exists as a listener and lover of the latter, but anyone can write. The third, and most relevant to you, is ...

‘This is what 40,50, whatever age looks like’ is a TOXIC trend. You are inviting attacks on your relationship with time, or your personal values - neither of which should ever be open to public scrutiny.  ‘She looks older.’ ‘She looks fake.’ ‘Here’s that attention you ordered.’ Dear women, we are and have always been so much more than our face. By 40, we need to know this. Superficial beauty is fun, but largely fleeting for EVERYONE… Superficial beauty serves 3 purposes:  1. Sell products 2. Attract a reproductive mate 3. Personal enjoyment for you and your life partner Only the 3rd is relevant to the vast majority of women over 45. If you are partnered with a healthy man who is in the same period of his life; he is NOT comparing you to your younger self nor other women. Healthy men over 40 value the entirety of you, beyond the signs of fertility that define youthful ‘beauty.’ If you are with a man who doesn’t give you this sense of security, DROP HIM YESTERDAY. The world is F...

Nothing ages a woman faster than her war with time, often instigated by men who have already lost theirs. Its weapons of mass destruction are covert and often veiled in self-defeating movements of  false empowerment. “This is what 35, 40, 50, 60 looks like.” Women lend their best selfie to a global pageant of absurdities where wrinkles, botox, and filters are attacked and defended by and against the trolls of the internet.  If our faces are the representation of our lives, then every person walking the earth is hopelessly f*cked after 25. That’s the truth, not the ‘you haven’t aged at all!’ nonsense of the lying sisterhood.  For men and women alike, our faces and bodies age. Like fingerprints, the lines of time are different for each of us - but they are always there; even in our efforts to soften them. It should be said that such efforts are only deserving of compassion and acceptance - never judgment. With so much of our worth being anchored to appearances; aging feels ...

“Hate the sin, not the sinner.” Whatever your beliefs may be, I think this principle is still worth honoring. These days, half the internet seems convinced their ex is a textbook example of the dark triad. Meanwhile, others proudly declare themselves self-diagnosed histrionics and post cringey debates about which “evil disorder” would win in some imaginary battle. One group clings to the idea that the narcissists they once loved are beyond redemption. The other wrongly assumes that being a psychopath somehow means being a genius. Personally, I think both views miss the mark. One of my earliest primary nurturers fits the description for covert narcissism. During his bipolar mania episodes, my first love epitomized the grandiose narcissist. Looking back on the first couple decades of my adult life, I realize that I was operating as a dark empath. At our core, all three of us were very much alike, which is why our paths had so much crossover and repetition. Everyone I am referring to, in...

  "She doesn't deserve it!" Yes she does, and so do you. "She's a gold-digger!" She has her own money, and so can you. "She's broken up the family." Grown men demand that their family respects their wife, as the men in your life should do for you. "She's not natural!" She's as natural as she wants to be, and her husband loves her as she is. The same is possible for you. If Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex and Lauren Sanchez-Bezos trigger feelings in you such as resentment, disgust, and disapproval - you are not alone. You might be getting less than you deserve and desire from your life. You may have been conditioned to believe admitting it, is wrong - or even dangerous. ***This article ended up being longer than I intended. The short of it is that Lauren and Meghan have amazing lives and don’t care about your projections. I want this article to help YOU realize that your happy ending is still on the table. If you don’t want t...